If I had $1 million dollars ...

We could invite whomever we wanted to our wedding. Unfortunately, like most people, we have a budget. And the amount will cover a generous number of people. But we finally got our list in some sort of shape, and there are too many names on it.

So we're faced with the "who to cut" decision. It's just so hard to balance different people's feelings. Distant relatives, coworkers, old friends: We want to invite them all.

This is our main struggle this week. We've created the save-the-date card, and my all-Excel-knowing fiance has even put the addresses into a format so that we can print address labels (he tried to explain it to me, but I've put him in charge of all things involving Excel!!) But we can't send them until we get a more definite list.

So I procrastinate ... But the laundry is all folded:) ...

So last week we took the FOCCUS test, and it was fairly painless. Hope the follow-up results will be just as painless. I felt some of the questions were a little unfair, like asking if you've decided how you will handle jobs/finances after having kids. While we've talked about this, I don't think we're ready to make a decision. It would depend on our financial situation at the time, and we can't quite see into the future to know that!

In other news, my ring is now the right size, so we're making progress! And we got our engagement picture taken (yep, that's it!) AND my bridesmaids picked a date for my "bachelorette party." Yay!

Just in time for the 5-month countdown to begin ...

Flowers and FOCCUSing

So thanks again to the two ladies who offered flower advice! It was much appreciated. I googled the recommendations and printed some bouquet pictures out and took them to the florist.

After much discussion and with help from my mom (thanks!!), here are the flowers we decided on: I will have white roses, white irises, med. purple hydrangeas, darker purple freesia and even darker lisianthus (had too look that one up!). The bridesmaids will have white irises, white freesia, mid purple hydrangeas and a slightly darker lisianthus.

I just talked to a friend, though, and now I have another must for the florist: no spray painted flowers. Said friend remarked on how her florist spray painted white hydrangeas (I think that's the right flower) a hot pink shade. She was supposed to have pale pink hydrangeas, which were apparently in season. Now she has hot pink flowers for eternity as her mother saved her bouquet for her. Note to self: NO Spray Painted flowers. Must remember.

The rest of the florist was just figuring out how many corsages and boutonnieres we need - and of course we still don't know.

Our next major hurdle (aside from the save the date cards which I have been procrastinating on) is that on Thursday we meet with a married couple who we have been matched with through church. They will give us some sort of test/survey thing (called FOCCUS) and then we will discuss the results. From what I hear it is more to make sure that the engaged couple has discussed the important stuff, from spending money to raising children etc.

But awhile ago I heard a funny story from a woman in a different married couple who participates in working with engaged couples. Apparently when you take the FOCCUS thing you fill out a Scantron and it gets sent off to be scored and then comes back to the married couple with results of things they should talk to the engaged couple about. Well, this woman said usually it's pretty same old same old, and they chat and everything is fine. But one time, they got a test back from a quiet couple in their late 30s, and the results showed the woman was afraid of her husband's violent behavior and the man said he had homosexual tendencies. This married couple was thinking "how in the world do we address this? This is pretty major stuff." So when the engaged couple showed up, the married couple brought up some of the issues and said the two looked at them in horror and said they never said those things and they weren't true. Turns out the Scantron grader was broken, and their results had been all messed up. I guess that was a relief for all parties involved!

So, me, I'm just hoping we don't have any problems like that!

Anyone have experience with this FOCCUS stuff? Comment away!!

Bridal comparisons

My sister loaned me the book Diary of a Mad Bride, which someone gave her when she was getting married. I'm almost finished with it, but it's left me puzzled at several points.

The protagonist, Amy, is an associate magazine editor (which means her job sounds an awful lot like what I do on a daily basis!) However, for one thing, she has an assistant (which she shares with another associate editor) and for another, she forces dozens of wedding tasks on the poor girl.

Now, not only do I not have a secretary/assistant, but this entire staff also doesn't have one - not even to share. We make our own calls, get our own drinks, and certainly plan our own functions. I can't even imagine instructing a coworker/assistant to call reception sites or research caterers. Do some people do that? Really? I mean I'll admit that our high school intern has had to do some crappy tasks (Abby, you do a great job!), but they're all work-related (putting issues in chronological order, mailing out issues to sources, etc.)

Anyway, this fictional character really lives in a fictional world, in my opinion. She's looked at so many places for shoes, I want to strangle her. I figure I'll go to Kenwood or Rookwood and be done with it. I mean, the shoes will be hiding under the dress for the most part (we will NOT be doing the garter toss, thank you very much).

This book reinforces my goal of being a laid back bride. It's been a month since I said that in my first post, but I think I'm still keeping up with it. We haven't traipsed around from vendor to vendor. In fact, we decided on our cake person, DJ and photographer after meeting with just one person. I have to give kudos to my friends and relatives who have gone before me for much of that though. Poll 8 or 10 people on who they used and liked, and you've got a pretty good list to start from. We're only paying $1.80/p for our cake. That's a steal, and the cake was delicious!

Thanks for all the comments so far. Anyone have any recommendations on what kind of flowers to do with "concord/amethyst" colored dresses? I'm not really into flowers, and the florist suggested I bring ideas/photos of what I like to our meeting on Saturday.

No major crises yet

It seems almost everyone who's been through a wedding has some "horror" story to tell. A friend recently wrote me about a bride whose seamstress left town on short notice, so the bride had to stalk the woman's boyfriend to get ahold of the much-needed altered bridal gown. At my sister's wedding, though the correct Bible reading was on the lectern during the rehearsal, mysteriously the wrong reading (one my sister didn't much care for) was set out for the confused lector to read the day of the wedding. And then there was the reception I went to a few years back when I thought the cake looked rather small for the size of the crowd. Turns out the actual cake apparently fell off the table when the servers were setting it up before the wedding! Apparently someone had to make an emergency bakery run.

I could probably go on and on, but I think being aware that "things happen" will hopefully help me not get super stressed out.

And, yes, I've had my first "things aren't going quite right" moment when the DJ I had booked (and already sent a deposit for) called to tell me that the company he works for hadn't realized he was busy that night - being a groomsman. He had DJ'd my sister's wedding, so I felt quite comfortable that I didn't need to meet him or check out his tunes before booking him. He offered a well-qualified substitute DJ, who we will probably use, but now my fiance and I are considering meeting with him before we decide.

We also had a multi-week saga trying to find a priest for our wedding. To me, all of the options were fine. My fiance wanted one of his high school religion teachers, which was fine with me, but in the end that priest let us know after more than a few phone calls/messages that he was unable to get out of a prior commitment. Thankfully, one of the other priests we know was available, so crisis completely averted!

Next up, aside from cake tasting, is ordering the bridesmaids dresses: I think I have decided on one, but not the particular shade of purple. While the Web site says the particular dress is available in concord and plum, the swatches at the store say amethyst, plum and aubergine. I like the amethyst color best (at least in the 1-inch swatch) so I'm hopeful I can get that!

So, anyone have any fun wedding "horror" stories? Do share!

Are you getting married or are you a newlywed?

We have our annual wedding issue coming up in a few weeks, and reporter Julie would LOVE to hear from some recent brides or brides-to-be who might be able to share some tips in the article.

E-mail Julie at jfitzgerald@cincinnati.com with all your pertinent info (name, age, neighborhood, contact info, date of wedding, etc.).

Thanks!