The wedding party

Since I haven't been doing a whole lot directly related to the wedding this week, I thought I'd take this post to talk about the wedding party, fabulous ladies that they are. (The guys are great too, but maybe I'll have John help me with a post about them another time!)

My matron of honor is my younger and only sister, Sarah, who lives in Michigan (too far away!). I was in her wedding two years ago. Her husband, Dan, is also in our wedding. I'm very grateful for all the help she's been to me throughout this wedding planning. And she's a busy girl: This is the second of three weddings she is in in 2007. I couldn't ask for a better sister (or - the tides have turned - role model!), and I can't wait to enjoy the bachelorette weekend she (and Raegan) are planning!

My maid of honor is my college roommate, Raegan. She lives in Normal, Ill. (which is also too far away!) Raegan and I have soooo many memories together. We've traveled to California, Arizona, the Bahamas, Texas, Louisiana, Indiana, various parts of Illinois, and back to Missouri (go Tigers) too many times to count. I can text her my frustration when our beloved Tigers lose another last-second game, and she just gets it!! We've also done multiple races and relays together, though she's a much faster runner!

One of my bridesmaids is my friend Peggy, who I met after I moved to Cincinnati post-college. She is literally moving to Pennsylvania today (again, TOO FAR AWAY). Peggy and her husband, Jim (who's also in our wedding), have an adorable daughter, Maggie. I'm going to really miss her for the two years they will spend in the Scranton area! Peggy is a fabulous mom and someone I hope to look up to (not just cuz she's lots taller than me) for advice if I am lucky enough to have a child.

My other two bridesmaids are John's younger sisters.

Mary got married a little over a year ago and lives in Lexington, where her husband is finishing up a degree. She's super fun and has a great witty way about her! Hopefully they will be moving back to Cincinnati over the summer, and we will get to see each other more often.

Anne is John's youngest sister. She is a freshman in college and she's only 16! She's probably the smartest person I know! She's one of those people you can carry on a conversation with about nearly any subject imaginable. Plus she's very fun, flexible and up for a variety of activities. I just know for the pottery painting part of my bachelorette day, her item will probably be the most creative!

We're not finished asking all the people we'd like to have participate in other areas of the wedding (reading, communion distributing, singing, etc.) But I want to talk about several who have been asked and have accepted who are important people to me.

One of our singers is Deanna, who has been an awesome friend to me for about 8 years, since she moved to Cincinnati post-college. (Yes, Deanna. You're awesome. Otherwise, I wouldn't have helped you move 12 times. Or 4. Whatever.) Deanna is one of those people with an amazing spirit about her. You can talk to her about anything and know she will accept you wherever you are coming from!

While I had friends before her, none have stuck around as long as Liz. We have been friends since 1982!!! That is a long time. She is going to do a reading at the wedding. Liz lives in Minnesota (T.F.A!) with her husband Jay and their two beautiful children, Grace and Tyler (so I haven't met Tyler in person yet, but he's a good looking kid in pictures!). I don't get to see Liz or talk to her as much as we used to, but when we do it's like old times (um, not that we have dirt on each other or anything ...) , and I'm so glad she's making the trip "home" for our wedding.

Katie B. is going to distribute communion at the wedding. We've been friends since 2000 and spent 6 years volunteering together every Wednesday night. She and her husband, Craig, and their adorable daughter, Abby, moved to Pittsburgh (tfa) last summer, and I miss her and her mutual ISFJ-ness. I have talked to KMB about so many things over the past 7 years ... she's a great listener. And depending on who is telling the story, I am instrumental in her meeting her husband!

While there are definitely others who will be important in our wedding, these are some of the ladies who I am so glad are sharing our day with us.

Hurry up and Wait

Took a break from the wedding plans to spend the weekend with 17 teenagers on a church retreat. That sorta makes wedding planning seem easy! Actually the kids were great and the setting was beautiful - and thank goodness it didn't rain! I could've done some wedding work on Sunday, but instead John and I went on a 21-mile bike ride from Newtown to north of Milford. Such a gorgeous day.

Tonight we were supposed to meet with the priest who is presiding at our wedding, but I stayed home from work sick. Thankfully I'm feeling mostly better by now, but I spent most of the day in bed and on the couch. We decided to reschedule. I wasn't sure if I'd be up for a meeting tonight. So now we'll meet with him next Tuesday!

In other wedding news, shower invitations for the first shower have gone out, and I talked to my sister about the bachelorette weekend last night.

I know there are a few things we'll need to do within the next week or so - including looking at wedding rings! Plus we need to start picking out music for the ceremony, the readings, etc. And we still need to ask a few people to do things like the readings, distributing Communion, etc.

But right now, I'm really just waiting for things to come in - my dress, the bridesmaids dresses, the invitations.

I know things will kick into fast gear quite soon! Till then ...

100 Days

So the Knot reminded me today that there are 100 days remaining until our wedding. Wow, is time flying! It seems like just yesterday I started this blog, but really it's been over 3 months!

I do feel like we've accomplished a great deal in the 4 months and 2 days we've been engaged. But there's certainly much more to do in the 100 days remaining!

****

So the full-time job thing. If you're not married or engaged, you might want to stop here. Because if I had heard this several years ago, I know exactly what I would've done: rolled my eyes and said "boo hoo." And, really, you have a right to do that. Yes, we could've run off to Vegas and spent very few hours planning our wedding. But ever since I was little, I've pictured myself having a church wedding surrounded by friends and family.

Still with me?

It would be easy to spend 40 hours a week planning a wedding. I'm finally starting to understand why people hire wedding planners. While it wasn't in the budget for us, I imagine it's great to have someone else making the calls, tracking down vendors and actually able to work on the wedding during the day, during the week.

Because by the time I get out of work, a lot of these places I need to call are closed. Some are also unavailable on the weekends. I feel guilty sitting at my desk at work taking calls on my cell phone from a vendor (it hasn't happened that often, and believe me, I certainly "make up" any time spent on the phone). But when the vendor only works 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. every fourth Tuesday when there's a full moon, well, then I'm going to have to talk during my workday.

I just wonder how other brides handle it. Do you feel guilty? Do you get frustrated? Why does something that should be simple (I'm going to call this person and schedule an appointment) always turn into a much more time-consuming task? (3 phone messages later, you make contact with the person, only to find out she will not be able to help you and you have to start all over.)

I'm now beginning to understand why in the past engaged friends have sort of "disappeared" while planning their weddings. And when I did see them, they would often have some story of a future in-law problem, or a vendor backing out, and a sort of glazed/exhausted look in their eyes. I didn't want to be this person. (Remember how I started this out aiming to be a "laid back bride"?)

But I'm afraid I have become this exhausted/over-busy person. Unbeknownst to me, a friend recently had been wanting to talk to me for awhile (in person) about some pretty serious stuff, and she finally called me at 11 p.m. on a Friday night - because in-person just wasn't happening. We talked and everything is OK, but I feel horrible. Am I so self-involved and involved in planning the wedding that I am not able to be there for my friends? This is not the kind of person I want to be. Yes, marriages are forever, but so are friends, I hope. And a wedding? Yep, still just a day.

So, brides - future and former - how do you/did you balance a 40-plus hour a week job and wedding planning, and still have time to be there for your friends, work out so you can fit into your wedding dress, eat actual meals (tonight's dinner was part of a future Raising the Bar story for CiN; last night was a bagel, yogurt and chips at 10:45 p.m.) and keep your place from looking like a tornado came through scattering registry info, tuxedo brochures and Bride magazines everywhere?

Share your sanity saving tips! All answers welcome!

Or maybe Thursday

So I'm going to save that "wedding planning is a full-time job" post for tomorrow.

I never updated how my weekend's list went. Quite good, thankfully! The invitations (obviously) were ordered, and the proof came in my email today. Aside from us forgetting to put the name of who the response cards are to go to (I don't really think there was a space for that though!), they look good to me!

And I did visit 3 big box stores in the Ridge Road/Avenue area looking for veils. I found one for about $7, and I bought it. I don't know if I'll use it, but I'll experiment at least. If I don't use it, I'll donate it to the next bachelorette party I attend!

I also made a list of some limo companies (technically I did this Monday night). John actually volunteered to call them, so I passed that job and list onto him. Not sure when he'll have time because he's as busy as I am over the next few days.

Sorry for a rather boring post, but I wanted to get one in today. And if anyone has any questions or suggestions, let me know!

In the meantime, enjoy this picture of my adorable baby cousin!

Invitations Update!

I just received a phone call from a manager, and the store is going to honor the original quoted discount - which I did not even ask for in the email. The manager also said she will make sure that employees understand and explain correctly to customers what discounts apply to what products - and look for a better picture for the Web site.

I think that is good business on the store's part, and I am very pleased with the outcome.

This situation is one of the impetuses my next planned post: Wedding planning is becoming a second full-time job. Check back, probably tomorrow - must work at my regular full-time job right now. (I just learned that Mufasa is played by a former college football player in the Lion King coming to the Aronoff! How strange yet interesting ...)

The invitation saga

(Slightly edited to keep identifying info out)

Date: Monday, March 19, 2007 7:29 PM
From: Katie Kelley
To: "InvitationStore"@________.com
Subject: thank you and a concern

Ms. X,

I would like to thank you and your staff for helping me today on the phone with an error my fiance and I discovered on the invitation order we placed yesterday. I appreciate being able to change it - and I hope my fax made it through ok after your power outage! It must've been a crazy day!

Unfortunately, I think your staffer A. yesterday must've misunderstood your policy when she told us that ALL of the pieces we ordered - our invitations with the matching reply card and reception card - would all be 50% off [because of your current special]. She even showed us the numbers and told us the figure we would get back.

Today I was informed that would not be the case, that the reception and reply card are only 30% off.

The picture on your web site is also quite misleading as several of the cards obviously state RECEPTION on them. With the headline that invitations are 50% off, it would lead people to obviously think the items in the picture are part of the 50% off deal.

I would urge you to communicate this information to your staff so further misunderstandings do not occur. I would also like to suggest that a better representative picture be placed on your Web site, and that staff be clear up front that all invitation enclosures are NOT 50% off.

Thanks again for the assistance in correcting our error, and I appreciate your time in reading my concern about the pricing issue.

Sincerely,
Katie Kelley
513-###-####

****

I think I was pretty restrained. The difference boils down to only a two-figure price (which of course could feed a few more people at our reception!), so it's really the principle of the matter.

15 Weeks to go

I haven't been doing a whole lot of wedding-related things this week. The calm before the storm, perhaps?

We do now have lodging reserved for both Kauai and Maui. Come to find out "Freedom Rate" is really the same exact room. Just cheaper. That seems silly. I mean if two identical of anything are available and one is $50 less, is there someone who wouldn't go for the lower price? Whatever.

I also just scheduled our tasting and found out that our reception place has hired a new wedding coordinator. The former one left within weeks of us booking the venue in December. The interim person handling weddings in the meantime has been working two jobs. So hopefully we will get along well.

I don't want to overplan myself again this weekend because I am co-hosting a going away party at my house, so I'll be focused on that all day tomorrow.

As far as Sunday, here are the goals

1. Order invitations. Really, this time.
2. Research limos. Seriously. This weekend.
3. Start looking for veils. I've heard you can buy them at discount stores, so I want to investigate this. Anyone have any tips on this?

Listening in to one side of the phone call to Maui hotel

(From memory; not verbatim)

John: (after hitting several buttons) We're trying to reserve a room for your hotel, and on [travel web site] it says "Studio Garden View" and "Studio Garden View Freedom Rate." (The price difference was about $55/night) What's the difference in what you get?

(representative speaks)

John: You say the freedom rate has less amenities. What does that mean? What kind of amenities?

(representative speaks)

John: I mean, does it have sheets?

(r s)

John: Good. Does it have a TV?

(r s)

John: A TV, you know, a TELEVISION?

(r s)

John: Does it come with breakfast or anything?

(r s)

John: You don't know? ... You just know it has less amenities.

Me, whispering to John: Ask if it has a kitchen?

John: Does freedom rate mean no kitchen?

(r s)

John: You don't know. Well, is there someone who I can call at the ACTUAL location who might know?

(r s)

John: OK, let me write that down. Yeah, thanks.

(Hangs up. Begins dialing again. Pushes more buttons.)

John: Hi, my name is John, and I was talking to someone at central reservations and had some questions they couldn't answer. Could you call me back at ....?

Me: You got voice mail!?

John: Yeah.

Conclusion: Kauai, booked. Maui: still waiting to discover what the elusive "freedom rate" means, which appears nowhere that we could find on the hotel's web site.

Best Laid Plans

So, we still didn't book the hotels, but not for lack of trying.

The Kauai place, you have to call to book, so we called and left a message. But being that it was 10:30 EDT, I figured they wouldn't call back last night. (And we left my home number, so I haven't checked to see if they called back today).

For Maui, we think we picked out a place. The reviews seem great, the price is right. But when we tried to get more info to book, that part of the site was down! We called, but apparently it was more of a general number and the person couldn't answer the questions we had about a few confusing things on the Web site.

Like, at one part, it said that every room had a refrigerator. But when you went to book, it was like

Hotel / 1 bath w/ Refrigerator	$x00 - x30
Studio / 1 bath Garden View	$x40 - y10
1 bedroom / 1 bath Garden View	$y00 - z00
Studio / 1 bath Ocean View	$y15 - z00

So we're trying to figure out if there are kitchens or what the difference is. And we didn't want to book on the phone because there were online booking specials. So confusing!

Guess we'll try again tonight. It looks like the site is working now, at least! I would really like to get one more thing checked off the list!

I get an F-minus

Soooo, where did the weekend go? I know we lost an hour, but I feel like we lost a day. I kept trying to get on top of all this stuff, but I was not very successful.

We only got two things on the list completed: We added a bunch of stuff to both our registries actually, some online and some in person. And after a little cursing, I got some pictures to print out to go to the Middletown paper.

My printer was just NOT interested in printing on the photo paper. And I couldn't figure out which program to use. Photoshop was washing out and Preview was going dark. I know I could've worked on editing the photo, but since it'll be printed in black and white, it just didn't seem worth it. As soon as I finally got finished, my sister called with a few bachelorette party questions. When I got off the phone with her, it was nearly 1 p.m., I was still in my pajamas and I was supposed to be picking John up in an hour to work on the registry. I had to move that time because I needed to go through my receipts so my accountant (thanks Mom!) could work on my taxes. (Is that sad that my mom still does my taxes? She can e-file so it's much easier that way!) Anyway, post-registry we were meeting my parents to watch the Miami hockey game, so I wanted to take the tax info with me.

I guess I did spend too much of the weekend having fun with the game and the Sunday night birthday party. I'm not exactly sure when I thought we'd get to the invitations or when I thought I'd have time to call limos.

Tonight, we're calling Hawaii to make reservations though. Because of the time change, we can call there later and it'll still be business hours! However, even after that, I'll still have an F.

Oh UPDATE: MY BAPTISMAL CERTIFICATE ARRIVED! The Confirmation date was noted. I CAN GET MARRIED!! Thank goodness. That was getting tiresome.

16 Weeks to go: this weekend's to do list

Aside from the high school retreat I'm chaperoning in two weeks, I have a feeling that there aren't any weekends left before June 30 that won't involve spending the majority of the time working on wedding preparations.

Unlike the protagonist in Diary of a Mad Bride, which I wrote about previously, I didn't make a long-term list. Too overwhelming (which she eventually discovered). Instead I've been making short lists and giving myself a few weeks to accomplish the tasks. Some things have gone more smoothly than others. And I've gone past the self-imposed deadlines multiple times!

But now, I'm going to take the lists out of my binder and start posting them here. I think I'll feel guiltier if I don't do them that way.

So here's what's in the plans for this weekend, wedding-wise. (This isn't counting the two meetings, the birthday party and trying to sort through last year's info to get my taxes ready to be filed.)

1. Add items to our first registry.
2. Get photo printed so that engagement announcement can go in my hometown paper.
3. Decide on invitations and work on language for them.
4. Decide on and book hotels for honeymoon.*
5. Get limo rates from a few limo companies.

*John's actually going to book them!

Wish me luck! I'll let you know on Monday how many tasks I have accomplished. And if you haven't seen me write about something and think I should get on that already, let me know!

Being a packrat can be good

So ... still no baptism certificate. When I scheduled our appointment to meet with the priest yesterday, he asked where my baptism certificate was. So I called the wedding coordinator at my church back to see if it had shown up yet. No. In talking with her, I asked why, again, couldn't I just give her the baptism certificate from my baby book? And then I learned something I never knew before!

In the Catholic church, she said, the church you were baptized in is responsible for "tracking" you (sacramentally at least) through your life! So when I made my First Communion, it should be noted on the back of the certificate, and when I got Confirmed, it also should have been noted. The churches where I received these sacraments should have communicated with the church I was baptized in to make sure the certificate was kept up to date. And NOW, with my upcoming marriage, the church I was baptized in needs to take the certificate with these notations and dates, stamp it with a date no more than six months prior to now and send it to where I am getting married.

And here is the problem, because I have been trying to get this certificate for THREE MONTHS. Still not here. The priest is now sending a letter. And my mom called today and name dropped that she knew someone who worked for the church:) In order, me, the wedding coordinator and my mom have all spoken to someone with the same first name. But today, this person claimed to have never heard of me or to have promised three times to send the info (granted, there could be more than one person with the same first name, but in a small church, how likely is that?!)

So I'm wondering: Is my certificate missing? Did someone lose it?

In any case. Here is proof #3 and #4 that I am Catholic. Now, the First Communion one is pretty obvious (that's me in the first row, left-middle girl!), but I know the Confirmation one might be less so. But think about it: How many 14-year-olds would wear a felt stole with their Confirmation name on it if they weren't getting Confirmed? It was definitely NOT some strange 1990 fashion. It was required. (That's my Confirmation sponsor, Jeanne, in the picture with me too!) Should I really need to find more proof, I will go through my boxes at my parents' house. Because I am 99% sure that I can find the programs for both my First Communion AND Confirmation.

Sorry for such a religious/historical post, but it's just what's going on. And regardless of your religion, you probably just learned something important to genealogy too!

I feel like I'm going to court with my evidence bags, but I AM READY!

Grateful times 2

John went over to his parents' house and picked up our first gifts yesterday. I guess technically they are engagement gifts because the card said "Best wishes on your engagement!" but since they are from our registry, I'm going to call them our first gifts. And, wow, are my aunt and uncle in San Jose generous: two sets of our china AND two bowls from our china. I've got to get right on that thank you note!

John also went and ordered the tuxes yesterday! Yay! I, of course, asked him which ones he decided on. His answer: the black ones, with two buttons. And the upcharged shirts. No upcharge on the shoes. White vest for him, gray* for the groomsmen. And if our dads want them, they can get black. Well, of course my dad wants a tux. You think I'd let him wear his golf pants?

So much to do this week. I need to call the church tomorrow. We need to meet with the priest. AND I want to check on that baptism certificate - again.

* Um, the choices were "silver" and "platinum."

I want to add a third E

Engaged Encounter was great and definitely worth it, but it was extremely exhausting (wow, that's two more E's!)

We got there about 7:15 Friday night and were there until 2:30 p.m. or so Sunday. But Saturday we had our day planned pretty much non-stop from 7:30 a.m. top 11:30 p.m. That was a loooong day.

But, seriously, we did get a lot out of it that will help us as we prepare for marriage. I could tell you what, but then I'd have to kill you:) Milford was as nice as usual. The retreat center is right on the Little Miami, it's quite scenic and beautiful, and there's a labyrinth. On our only brief break on Saturday we walked the labyrinth and just took a break from all the emotional (5th E!) conversation.

If you're getting married and facing the choice between Pre-Cana and Engaged Encounter, I would recommend EE. It's actually just nice to get away and think about marriage NOT the wedding for a weekend. You know, a wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime ... They stated that divorce rate for couples who make this weekend is like 5 or 7 % or something, much lower than the national average.

Even if you're Protestant, many churches have Engaged Encounter programs (I'm not sure for non-Christian religions). The weekend was not overly Catholic, so most Christians would probably feel comfortable on the Catholic version as well, and it is open to all denominations.

The couples leading obviously put a lot of time and preparation into the weekend, and I'm very appreciative. Most of the people in attendance seemed to enjoy it too.

Oh, and not so many people from high school (though there was a guy who would've been a frosh at X when John was a senior, but being that the school is huge, they had no clue). No one from my high school. There were 3 other couples there where we at least knew one of the two (from the group through which we met each other)!

So, all in all, it was emotionally enriching, yet extremely exhausting. Lot's of E's. Now, I must go catch up on my sleep!

5 mostly unrelated thoughts

1. We got our first wedding present! Well, technically it's still in a box at John's parents' house. Can't wait to find out who the super early bird is! I'm usually the person at the store the morning of the wedding going "Darn, the only things left on this registry are a $9 wastebasket, a $3.99 ecru washcloth, a $10 salad spinner and a $15 rake." Yes, I have given gifts grouped together that are about as random as this.

2. I found a seamstress to do the alterations. Third try was a charm!

3. We registered at another store. Then we came home and found out that more than half of what we registered for is only available in the store (not online). Then we added dishes to our first registry and now we find out that they are about to be discontinued. I guess we should take them off before another early bird comes around and buys part of a set we will not be able to complete.

4. This weekend we have Engaged Encounter at Milford. I'm looking forward to it. I like retreats at Milford. I have long gotten over the naked baptism fear (you either know what that means or you never will ...). And you don't have to do the dishes. I hate doing dishes.

5. We booked our honeymoon flights. Never will "bargain" be used to describe these flights. Next up: finding places to stay on Maui and Kauai that don't cost $600 a night.

That's all. Sorry there is nothing more exciting. I will post about EE when we get back, maybe on Sunday night. My prediction is that there will be someone there who went to high school with one of us. It just seems like there would have to be...