Scene: Checkout line. I have a cute purple and white polka dot bikini I picked out for my Hawaii honeymoon. I am very excited that the bathing suit hunting is over. Nearby, a young girl is acting quite cranky and running away from her mother.
Cashier: If I were that mom, I would be doing something else with that kid. I mean, not spanking her, but she needs discipline.
Me: Hmmm.
Cashier: You know what I mean? Not that I have kids.
Me: No, I don't either yet, but I don't like to be judgmental about parents because I don't know what it's like to be a parent yet.
Cashier: Are you pregnant?
Me: No! (First thought: Really? All I just bought was a bikini. Would I buy a bikini if I were pregnant? I guess some people do. Second thought: Oh my gosh, do I look pregnant? Is it the clothes? Am I going to fit in my wedding dress?)
***
Scene: Having a discussion about my style of wedding dress with another person.
Acquaintance (after seeing the dress): I like it!
Me: I just wanted something simple. I'm not into all poufy and big. I mean if other people want that, that's fine. But I'm 31 (yes, I'll admit my age!) so I'm sort of over the whole Disney princess thing.
Acquaintance: Is this your first marriage?
Me: (indignant) Yes!
Acquaintance: That's great, at 31.
Me: (Thinking: How rude! Am I an old maid? 31 isn't THAT old, is it? Isn't the average marriage age for college graduate women like 29? I've been to lots of first weddings where the bride is older than 31.)
I guess I should add these to things not to say to a bride a month before her wedding. Because in addition to all the stuff I've been worrying about, now I have to worry about looking pregnant. And old.
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Just wait until after the wedding....the last time I went to church with my parents back in the hometown someone who I was pretty close to in high school comes up to me and puts her hand on my stomach and asking if I have something in the oven....I'm like NO! But assured her she'd be the first to know when we do decide to have children.
ReplyDeleteYou will be a beautiful bride Katie! And for heaven's sake you certainly don't look pregnant, you've got the tiniest little waist! Just a few more weeks and you will be on your honeymoon with your new husband.
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