Emotions can be all over the place while planning a wedding. While it's stressful, it's generally a very happy time. People are wishing you well all over the place. You get excited telling friends and family of fun details about the day. You get beautiful gifts, are amazed at how generous people are and are grateful to have so many wonderful people a part of you and your fiance's lives.
While I expected the stress, the glee, the excitement, a tinge of frustration, and a little bit of worry, there's an emotion I didn't really expect that has hit home a few times.
Ladies (probably not most guys!), if you're like most, you've imagined things about your wedding since you were playing dress up wedding with your mom's old formals or having Malibu Barbie marry Ken for the 38th time while Skipper, Christie and Whitney stood by as bridesmaids in mismatched shoes, hats and bikini tops with skirts.
While yes the details have changed throughout the years - "I want to get married on a cloud in Care-a-lot and serve sundaes, and everyone will wear roller skates. And we'll all hold hands and sing 'That's what Friends are for'" - certain things stay near and dear to your heart.
You want to be surrounded by your whole family and all your closest friends. You see yourself walking down the aisle and thinking of memories with so many of the people in the pews, going back to childhood. Well, if you're me you do. And when circumstances affect this dream, there's just one word to describe that emotion:
Sad.
I never expected to have sad thoughts about my wedding day. But, unfortunately, just a little bit, I have.
I want to be quick to say that by no means do I think I am somehow "unlucky" or that other people don't have far more reasons to have sad feelings than I do. We are overjoyed that we will be surrounded by all our parents and all our siblings and about 200 of our closest friends and relatives. While we - and many others - also remember those who are no longer with us, that is not directly the reason for my feelings.
It more pertains to that I will be missing those who are unable to make it for a variety of reasons. My Grandma, who is nearly 90, decided last month that she just couldn't travel across the country. I have a friend who has to go to China for work that week. And one of my oldest friends called last night and said because of a job change in her family, she could not travel here for the wedding. I just have not been imagining my wedding without my Grandma, my friend since first grade, several college friends and a few cousins.
I have traveled across the country to go to weddings. In fact, I was thinking about it and can only think of 3 "no" RSVP cards I have ever sent back - one to a childhood friend who got married during my college exams, one to the daughter of a former coworker (who I'd never met, didn't know was getting married until I got the invitation, and was getting married a day I was going to be in Detroit), and one just last month to a relative of John's I had met once because we just didn't think we could be out of town for that long so close to our wedding. I like being there for friends' and family members' special days. I've even twice been to two weddings in one weekend (once they were 9 hours from each other, with one 23 hours before the other!) But I don't yet have kids, am financially secure enough to do a little traveling, am in good health and rarely have to go farther than West Chester for this job.
I feel bad even saying this because those who can't come could take it as if it is their "fault." Or that I am somehow "angry" with them. But I don't want that! I'm not angry or blaming anyone for my feelings. Their reasons are more than valid, and no matter how important our wedding is to ME, it is certainly not the center of anyone else's life (um, except John's!)!
But you can't help your feelings, right?
A few weeks ago, I was talking with a friend getting married this fall about how I sometimes feel sad when a No RSVP card comes back, and she said "Oh, I never thought about that!" I thought maybe it was important to write about it. So that others might not be so surprised if they feel this way.
I wish to those who are still unmarried that ALL your family and loved ones will be able to share your wedding day with you. But if someone can't, know they are with you in spirit, be OK with having a "sad" moment, and then, as John so helpfully tried to tell my pretty emotional self last night, "think of all the people who love you who WILL be there." (OK, I didn't take that so well last night, but I slept on it, and now I think it's a pretty good mantra.)
So I go forward happy, stressed, ecstatic, overjoyed, emotional and a tiny bit sad. To family and friends who are coming from far and near, I can't wait to see you and share our exciting day. To those who can't make it, you will be thought of and very much missed!
(I hope this didn't offend anyone or sound too whiny. Just being honest!)
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